Matters of The Heart
by flight 29 down girl
Summary: In a society where Suckers and Bumpers can't ever mix, can Karen and Nathan make their feelings known? Or will society and rules of how things should be win out over the strength of two teenagers in love? AU STORY.
1. Losing Your Stix

My name is Karen and I live in a society where we have sex. Every day.

Its not all bad though.

The only problem is that we are grouped together based on how well we do while in bed. It's complicated but all I know is I am a Bumper.

Bumpers are those people who use their entire body while playing with someone and then there are suckers.

Suckers are people who use their mouths most of the time when they play.

I have never met a sucker but society says that Bumpers and Suckers can't mix. Ever.

I don't like that rule though but I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I can do anything. Maybe I should get to know Suckers but I'm afraid of what they will think of me if we try to have sex.

It is unheard of here to have sex with a Sucker if you are a Bumper but I think that somebody has to try it first.

Maybe I might be that first one.

My body feels like jelly as I finish on Hannah Carter's bed.

I told you we played every day. I play with my friend Hannah who goes to school with me. She needs a lot of help with the bed thing so that's what I do for her. I help.

"Thanks Karen. That was nice."

I smiled and threw my shirt over my head. It feels good with Hannah but I want to play with a real guy.

I think a Sucker would be cool to play with but I don't know. Hannah doesn't get this though. At all. No matter how many times I tell her about Suckers she just coughs it up to my very high passion levels.

They are reall sky high but that's not the only reason. I want to play with a Sucker. That's pretty simple in my mind but you have to explain things to Hannah often more than one time because she's pretty dense.

"Could you pass me my cell Kare?" Hannah asks and I do so she can call her dad and tell him the good news. She hates being the last bumper in her family to lose her stix. But now she has thanks to me, and even though I tell myself that I should be happy for Hannah, something in my heart isn't so excited about losing stix.

I hate that I ffel this way about Hannah's big accomplishment and know that losing your stix is a very big deal here but I hate the fact that we are only used for our bodies and it seems like nobody here likes a person's heart. Just their bodies and that's not at all what I want.

But how can I tell that to someone like Hannah?


	2. Here We Go

"Nathan come on It's time to go." Jake says. I follow and board the top of the car which is set to take us to the biggest party of the year. I don't know the girl putting it on very well but I think we played once.

I have a lot of people who want to play with me. I think its because my body is so good looking. It has to be the only reason they see me or want to be with me.

But they don't really want Nathan Harper. They want a body full of muscles and soft brown eyes that make their hearts melt.

I have that, but I don't want that to be the only reason I end up with a girl. I want her heart. I want her to have mine and keep it because she loves me that much.

But I don't think anybody in the world will want that as well as I do.

That's not at all how we do things here.

In this society, all anybody cares about is what you look like naked and how well you do in bed.

I don't want that. I might have at first but not anymore. When that is all any person in society wants from you then its not much of a good life.

Not at all.

I want someone who wants my heart and can give me theirs without thinking that I just am after their body.

Because I'm not.

Not at all.


	3. Fantasy Girl

When I ride on the top of Jake Hampton's truck, I feel happy.

Incredible feeling, riding the hood like a magic carpet on my way to the party. Gilly is in the passenger side seat and screaming out funny words as we ride the road to the girl's house who is having the party.

I know there will be lovemaking going on there and I like that don't get me wrong, I just want to meet someone who I really care about. Maybe at the party maybe not, But if I could fall in love there, it would be fine. More than fine.

I'm screaming and yelling like a banshe on top of the car.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhh baby! Let's go paaaaaaaaaaaaaartyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Gilly opens the window and sticks his head out and screams back.

Its almost perfect as I keep the noise level up and holler over the wind"Go Faster!"

"Really Nathan?" Jake says "Are you sure you wamt that?"

"GO GO GO!" I want it bad. I bang the side of Jake's car and screams at him to pump the gas pedal to the floor and when he does, amps it up to 75 miles an hour, I can't scream loud enough.

"YES YES YES!"

I laugh so hard and I hit the side of the car again.

This is perfect. Just perfect.

I hit the lawn and land on my back.

"Woah Nathan easy!" Jake cries and I laugh so hard I start crying.

"Are you okay dude?" Gilly asks and I remind him that I wanted to ride to the party that way all on my own.

" Nathan, you're crazy!"

I know I am but that's okay.

Totally okay with me.

There are sexy girls playing chicken in the pool and I find myself watching them. Those girls are Suckers too. My type obviously but I want something else.

But I don't know what it is yet.

Gilly's busy selling his fake ID's to people who want to buy them and I laugh at him. I don't want those girls in the pool so I stop watching and turn to Gilly.

"The thing s you do for money Gill. I call that's crazy."

"I earned it." he says adamant that selling something for crazily high amounts of money is considered okay in his world.

I just laugh it off and want to drink myself into another lapse of crazy.

But before I do that, I see someone.

Someone I want. Badly.

And Gilly sees her too so I know she is real.

But yet just like a dream, I made up to satisfy the urge for sex. Like my own personal fantasy girl that I can take and leave begging for me every night for as long as I want.

I, Nathan Harper am about to get high off of something other than alcohol and I think I just might like it better than the red cups me and my friends drink out of.

Because it is better.

By a landslide.


	4. First Sight

I see someone.

He stares at me. Just stares. But the way I feel when he does is so unique.

I get incredibly turned on.

"Hey."

I walk quickly to the food table so he doesn't have a chance to see me but he does and says my name.

"Karen."

That sound is so beautiful. The way he says it is so beautiful to me that I can't make my voice work right.

"Hey."

I blush hard and walk away but bump his shoulder on the way.

My older brother gets insanely protective at the moment and it scares me a little.

I know the rule in this society but I want it to be not so harsh.

It hurts as he stares at the guy hard and threatenes him.

"Watch it Sucker."

" Watch what? You bumped into me."

He turned around and I got in the way.

"Just go away dude. Leave him alone. Let's go."

"Are you KIDDING ME KAREN?!" he explodes and I cover my ears and press myself closer to the new guy.

"He is a SUCKER!"

"I don't CARE! Don't hurt him! If you do, I'll tell mom and dad what we do because someone is still a stix."

My brother is in college and he still has his stix. He likes to think about the first time he lost his stix but he hasn't yet. And I know that my helping my own brother is considered gross in normal society, but this isn't a normal society that I live in. My society says that losing your stix is the norm and however you can lose it is considered okay.

I am not proud of helping my brother do it but I do and he seems to be nicer if I do help.

That's awful and little did I know but tonight would be the last night me and my brother would be on good terms.

The party was hard core. My friends and I drank about ten beers and I woke up on the dewy grass of that girl's lawn. I was shirtless and I felt like I lost my pants too.

Then I noticed my head was killing me. I was badly hungover and walked around looking for someone.

That girl from last night wasn't around and I could have sworn she wanted me to talk to her yesterday but i didn't have a chance because her boyfriend or brother or whatever had her cornered against him.

She was a Bumper!

Perfect.

I wanted her but I wouldn't go so fast as I did with other girls. I would treat her heart right. And by doing that first, I would get her body as well.

Nathan. I mused She's what you want.

And I realized whoever Karen was that I would take care of her. Heart and Body. I would take care of Karen. Bumper or not, I would give her my heart if she wanted it. But I wouldn't force it on her. I didn't do that.

Not Karen.

Never.


	5. Therapy

I hate my brother. I really hate him right now. He is blowing up right in front of me. Totally going off and I can hear everything that we're saying from halfway down the block.

"Shut up Billy! People will hear you!"

"I am so done with this Karen. I mean seriously! You're in high school and your fucking me. I can have any girl I want in college. God."

He walks away and I notice that Nathan is standing right outside. The guy I met at the party is standing right in front of us and he heard everything we just said!

Holy shit!

My brother notices and says through the rage in his eyes.

"What are you looking at freak?!"

Nathan

I want to scream and run across to his car and smash the loser's face in. How dare he hurt somebody like Karen.

I would never dream of doing that because I love her. Already.

And I promise while standing in the middle of the night coated walkway between our houses that I won't ever do that to her. And I hope she hears me through the embarrassment she feels right now.

\

I look at her and make that promise again and then she goes inside. Killing me on the inside as she wipes the tears away.

Later that week, I'm sitting in Dr. Bennett's office and having a good session with her and as we talk about everything, I get a calm feeling and then we bring up the party and I talk animatedly about the girl I met.

Karen.

"Hey Dr. Bennett, which side are you on?"

"This society? I feel like I have always been a place between the two. Why do you ask Nathan?"

"I was just wondering… I am a Sucker but she's a Bumper."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And the big problem is that I like her. Like really like her. And I just met her. I mean I like her enough to have sex with but I want her to have my heart as well. What do I do?"

"That's a very interesting scenario Nathan. If you want my advice try to control yourself. Talk to her first and take it slow. Then build yourselves up to sex. This society is very concerned with people staying on either side of the coin here. Not ever mixing but I am proud of you for trying to change that. I say go for it but just be careful."

"okay." I said and for some odd reason I feel better. Because maybe she wants me like that too. Enough to play with and love forever. Just maybe.


	6. Love

I sit down and write Karen a letter.

I tell her everything I feel and hope that its enough to make her see that I would never, ever dream of hurting her body or her heart.

I sign it and fold it up and put it away.

I wouldn't give it to her yet.

Not until I know more.

I feel good after I write it though which is more then Dr. Benet has expected. I tell her about it and she smiles and says I did a good thing.

I know I did and I know she's gonna like to get letters with her name on them telling her how pretty she is and how much I have her in my heart already. To know that this is really happening feels super duper good and I can't contain my excitement from bursting forth as I talk to Dr. Bennett the next time I have therapy.

"She goes to school at Wesley High! Can you believe that? I mean, wow and the way she looks at me makes me think she wants me too. Man that face and the way her hair falls down in her eyes and her smile…" I go on and on as Dr. Bennett listens and just before we end the session for the day she says "You're making great progress Nathan. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks ." I say hugging her and smiling as I leave her office.

Karen

He goes to my school!

I can't breath as I hear what the teacher of my sociology class says that we are going to be partners for the next big project he is planning. We have to write a ten page research paper on society.

I almost laughed when I signed up for this class. Our society? Come on! Its sex every day all day 24-7.

Its as simple as that but I can't wait to work with that guy Nathan. He's hot as he looks at me and sets up the outline as we work in his room.

"So your boy toy wanted to kill me at that party the other night huh? Why didn't he if he was so gung ho about it?"

I shrug and wash it off my hands.

"He's my older brother and I said that you would beat him up if he touched you at all so there!"

"Really. I mean can you be any more of a push over?"

I laugh and it gets quiet for a sec before he asks "So he isn't your boyfriend then?"

"No he's just a pig headed stix is all. "

I just admitted my brother's biggest issue to Nathan's face! I blush and want to talk about him more so I ask "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No why? I would gladly take you if you want to." he says and I freak on the inside.

He wants me! Like really really wants me! But what if he's just like the other guys in society? I reconsider this as I realize who I am dealing with.

Nathan Harper is a Sucker and then I realize something huge.

By doing this project with him and agreeing to come over at all I am breaking the biggest rule of our society!

The no mixing thing is like worshiped here so that's why this paper is such a big deal.

We can't see each other so even if he does want me we can't be together.

How can the society you live in dictate who you want deep within your heart? It doesn't make since to me. I shiver as he brushes and presses up against my arm as he talks and I reach over and kiss his sleeve.

Just a little kiss.

That's all it is but he looks at me and I blush hard, overstepping many unseen boundaries not only in his personal space but in society as well as I realize the complications I just experimented with.

I want him and him wants me. How hard should it be to express?

But I remember then that this isn't a normal society.

This is my world and my way of thinking is wrong, at least according to my parents and Billy.

He left last night and hasn't come back. He said nothing to me just screwed me and then jumped on a plane to Mexico or some place. I oddly don't give a shit though. His actions have carved the path he stands on and I am not in any way responsible for them.

But then I remember that I am. Indirectly.

I helped him. I did last night too and then he just left.

Never to be seen again and I am just as responsible as he is.

That hurts me and I can't look at Nathan as he types something into the computer and sighs.

Its late anyway and I really should get going.

'Nathan, I got to go but you can come over tomorrow around noon if that's okay. My parents are out of town on a trip and they won't be back for another couple of weeks. You are safe there I promise." I smile and hope that helps mask the shock on my face. He looks like he's on cloud nine and agrees to come over in a heartbeat and I'm glad.

I want him to be there so maybe we can kiss again. Or worse….

I hit myself for thinking that I want him that much but the truth is I do.

I want to feel him and let him touch me. All of it. All too soon. I should really slow down and let my brain register what happened here in his room.

I kissed him, well his sleeve rather and he looked at me like he had wanted more and we talked and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I decide to not think about the rules here so much and just let myself have some fun. I realize though that this stuff isn't fun, it's very serious and I want Nathan Harper in a serious way too.

I love him.


	7. Secret Romance

I have secret about my parents. They are mean when I do something that goes against their beliefs. At least that's what I am thinking about when I wait out my dad's anger at my getting passed out drunk at the party at the girls house. I dare not tell either of my parents about my feelings for Karen. They wouldn't understand it at all. That's why I am thankful that I have someone like Dr. Bennett to talk to about anything in the world and she's gonna trust me.

My parents will never except my feelings about Karen because she's a Bumper and Suckers and Bumpers can't ever mix here. I guess we have to tell each other about said feelings as of yet and I will. Soon.

But not yet.

My dad is talking about the horridity of my blazed drinking and beating me with his favorite pair of ragged boxing gloves. I can feel each punch to my head and stomach and it kills me.

I can fight back though but I let him teach me the lesson he is trying to teach without blowing a gasket at him.

All until he hits me in my stomach. My abs clench around dad's fist and I cough and end up puking on the grass near his shoes. He pushes me off of him and says

"Are you glad you went last night huh Nate? Taste good as it is now or did it taste better last night when you were shoving it down?"

Shut up. I cried and grit my teeth and heave myself over until its all gone.

Now I'm mad. Really mad.

"Hit me bitch! You girly man!" my dad taunts and I lunge at him and do what he wants. Its an instinct. Rage bubbles up inside me and I can't control it anymore. He knows its my weakness and he just wants to get a rise out of me.

"ENOUGH!"

Mom stands looking at us like we're crazy but its really just my father that is. I go inside and try to crack my back but it won't go and I cry in pain.

He doesn't know anything about having a son. I can't be perfect. I don't even want to be. And with Karen, I know I don't have to be.

Karen

Standing on my deck, with the wind blowing through my hair I thought about Nathan and saw him from across the way staring at me too.

I walked over and told him to meet me in a secret place. I was going to tell him everything. I didn't care what society did to us. Not after doing this I wouldn't.

"Nathan hi." I said coming up the path and sitting down close to him on a wooden tree house like structure that was shielded by the trees. "I am glad to see you."

"Me too." he said and I smiled.

I took a deep breath and leaned foreward.

"Nathan I have to tell you something. But you have to promise to keep this a secret and not to tell your parents."

" Sure but I can tell Dr, Bennett right?"

"Who's that?" I asked.

"Somebody I know but don't worry, I talked about you before and she understood how I feel about everything that's going on." I was flattered. He talked about me!

"She says she's proud of us for doing this. Trying to be friends despite society's rules. And I like being with you Karen." Nathan admitted.

"I like you too Nathan but promise you won't let this get back to anyone in power or to my parents."

"Oh I won't. But about Dr. Bennet?"

"She's okay I guess. You sure she said she could trust us and that she wouldn't tell?"

"Karen its confidentail. That's what she does. I tell her stuff and she doesn't say anything about it to anyone. You can trust her. I do."

That was nice. I decided to give Dr. Bennett a chance because she had given me one.

An hour went by and we talked about family and life and when I ran out of stuff harmless to say to him, we took a very heated break. I tried to breathe right as he looked at me and pushed himself closer and our knees touched.

Then, slowly, deliberately, almost roughly, he was kissing me.

Our tongues darted in and out as we broke it and came back in to each other in a sort of rythym. It was beautiful. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and Nathan was pulling my lips through his teeth.

He didn't know how amazing this felt for me. I was turning to mush on the inside and I wanted more and I wanted to have him keep going until we ended up taking our clothes off and seeing each other's bodies. But he didn't need to know that just yet.

Life was frozen as we kissed and kissed and then, hearts pounding and high pitched breathing telling us that we had to stop, Nathan pulled his wet, cool tounge through my mouth once more before he finally broke off and leaned back so that both of us could breathe again.

I got down and we started walking back to the southern direction of the road and oddly it felt electric and comfortable for me.

"I really want to be your friend Karen." Nathan said after a while and I smiled. Our hands touched and he held mine in his and we walked some more until we came to a sunlight covered house.

"Do you want more than that?" I found myself asking and I threw my hand over my mouth.

Had I really just told him that?

Nathan laughed and said " I think you got a pretty clear message about how I feel about you Karen." At this, he laughed and I blushed red.

"If you really need another demo of how I feel about you, then I will gladly show you again."

Before I could talk enough to give him a real answer, Nathan grabbed me and lightly slammed me up against a tree by the house. As I pressed back into the bark of the tree, Nathan kissed me again, rougher this time, biting my lips and forcing his tounge into my mouth. I let him in without question and then it was over.

"I love you Karen. You have to believe that I know you want my heart and body when we eventually get there. But until then, kisses are-"

I cut him off.

"Perfect."

I connected with Nathan one more time before turning around and getting in my car.

Nathan

I started to drive away but Karen knocked on my window. I rolled it down.

"Yes?"

"I love you too silly."

The she waved goodbye and drove away.


End file.
